how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
