Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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