Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
