Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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