I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
