So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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