I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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