the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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