why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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