he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
