ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
