Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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