My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
