While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
