I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
