So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
