Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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