I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Damn victory sex feels great
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
