I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Let's paint friendship bongs
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
