The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
