Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm always down for nudity.
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