i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
