yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
