i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
