I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
