Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
