she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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