Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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