Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
