I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
