It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize