I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
