What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
