and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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