My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize