It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
