Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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