Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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