I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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