the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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