im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Mom said you looked used
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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