So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
