matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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