weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
