You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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