i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
