I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
