bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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