Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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