I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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