What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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