In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
