She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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