In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
