So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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