Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
