my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
