I accidentally burped into my bong.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
