so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
