There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize