I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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