Will you blow on my dice?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
